It's Story Time: Country Girl in the Big City

When the school system in which I teach was hiring me for their county, a most interesting thing happened. You see, it all started with the crazy messages that Dad creates for the answering machine. When the new answering machine arrived and I was in elementary school, I still remember Mom, right before she left for a PTA meeting or the market, telling Dad, "Now, don't you dare go right upstairs and make a stupid message for our machine. I mean it, Danny." Like a small child you put the red button in front of and tell not to touch, Dad scurried (as much as a man who's 6'6" can "scurry") upstairs the moment she closed the front door behind her because he had the perfect message in mind.

For years, the message ran, in his most impressive "redneck" voice, something like this: "Howdy, this yars the ________. We can't come to the phone right now. We're outside sloppin' the hogs and feedin' the chickens. Sure would like to know why y'all called, so leave a message after this thing makes that little ol' beepin' sound." When the school system called my parents' house where I lived at the time, we still had this answering machine message, the same one that people would actually call back our house again just to hear it another time. As a result, the manager in charge of hiring me wrote a special note in my file: "may encounter adversity." Why? He thought I was some country girl from the back 40 who was coming to the big cities of Howard County, Maryland (which is a joke in itself, I might add).

When I called him one day to say that Mom was coming with me to sign paperwork, he thought my shitkicker and overall-wearing (not cool at the time like it is again now) hillbilly of a mother was coming to check out the town and make sure it was safe for her baby girl. All of this truth came out, and I explained that Dad is an extremely eccentric man; I am from a county affectionately nicknamed "Cow County," but I'm not a farm girl despite how many times I watched Green Acres and The Beverly Hillbillies (SO.MUCH.NICK.AT.NITE.)

Several years later, when Jeff and I were adopting our sweet puppies, Roxy and Squirt, the adoption lady called my parents' house for a reference. Once again, someone heard this message on the machine. She hung up and did not leave a message; in fact, she called me, asking whether or not I gave her the wrong number. And, once again, I had to explain my Dad's eccentricities to a stranger. Four of us lived in that house for a long time, but I am the only one who not once but TWICE had an interesting experience as a result of Dad's voicemail creativity. And people wonder why it's impossible to embarrass me.

Anyway, Mom accompanied me to Baltimore City yesterday because I needed to visit one of the professional buildings. If you don't know Baltimore, though it has its allure and charms (I met my now husband in a dance club there almost 10 years ago), then you should know that Baltimore makes a name for itself with its impressive number of murders per capita. Like everywhere, however, it has its redeeming qualities and not-so-bad parts of town. On the ride home, GPS took us the shorter route, which did not translate to the safer route. In fact, many of the houses were boarded up and the loveliest of individuals frequented the streets. As Mom stared at a boarded up house, commenting on its "shaggy curtains" and "light coming through one of the boarded up windows," I scolded her severely. "DO NOT ENGAGE. STOP LOOKING. LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD. IF YOU MUST, LOOK WITH YOUR EYEBALLS BEHIND SUNGLASSES, NOT WITH YOUR HEAD TURNED." She asked why and I responded, "you're looking into a boarded up window. You don't know what's looking back at you." She kept her head straight the rest of the time. I guess that's what the "country" taught me.

I now understand why my high school Chem teacher told us that if we were somewhere we shouldn't be at a time we really shouldn't be there, we need to pull our hoods over our heads, rock back and forth, and chatter incoherently at a trashcan. No one messes with a crazy person.

Now that I shared story time with you, I will share with you an outfit I wore while signing the offer we put in on a house last week (an offer the seller accepted, I guess I should add?).

 

The Look:

Dress: Some designer for Target via thredUP  (similar options: $, $$, $$$--$20-70)

Cardigan: Target, Mossimo brand (I finally got another one to replace the original I killed from wearing too much.)

Shoes: via DSW 

Necklace: H&M via Poshmark shop

Purse: via Marshall's

Sunglasses: gift from Momma (LOFT)

I hate bugs, but I love flowers.

The other day, I talked about how I watched an enormous bug of an unknown variety creep down my wall. Pair this bug with his enormous shadow cast on the wall in the dim light and you have yourself a scary movie recipe. I thought about that bug for a little while, and I realized something. When you live in a house that you can call your own, bugs do not disconcert you quite so much because you think, "hey, that's my bug. I know where that bug came from." When you live in an apartment, you think to yourself, "who the hell owns that bug? WHOSE bug is that? WHO SENT YOU!?" When you run into enough neighbors of dubious quality, that question leaves an unsettling cockroach of a pit in your stomach.

Or maybe it's just me.

Anyway, where there are bugs, there are often flowers. In this case, those flowers are happily residing on my blazer today. I keep meaning to wear this blazer because I really do love it, but other outfits continued to oust it from the line up. Fret not, my pretty blazer, today was your day, and multiple people fawned over you. Plus, you fit perfectly into Sarah's April Challenge.

The Look:

Blazer: Lauren Conrad via Kohl's (similar from ASOS)

Jeans (jeggings...whatever): American Eagle high-rise (exact)

Flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW (love these Steve Madden ones)

Sweater: J.Crew Factory (exact--mine is positano blue...hello, city in Under the Tuscan Sun!)

Necklace: I really wish I could remember where I bought it, but a boy student struck up a conversation with me about it today. "Is that rose quartz, Ms. Wo? I really like that necklace." He loves my favorite book, The Alchemist, so he's clearly an awesome kid. 

This sweater from J.Crew Factory is pretty much perfect. It's the right length, right color (cobalt always wins), and right thickness (not too thick for spring-ish weather). The lovely lady who teaches next door to me was wearing this sweater in purple today, which made me love the sweater even more. 

I also wore the blazer this way...

(Well, I wore them this way in the dressing room. I wish I would've bought those pants!)

I wore the "warm rose" version of this sweater with my floral skirt:

By the way, at the end of next week, you might not hear much from me. I get sinus surgery on Thursday, and I'll be a hot mess for at least five days. If I can, I will hang out with Mom this weekend to get some pictures of future outfits so that you can see what I'd look like without tubes and gauze in my face. (You're welcome for the word visual.) Of course, I might just sit on the couch and chat with her and dad while I play with the puppies, Sammy and Rudy.

Trendy Tuesday: Pretty in Pastels

The colors in this outfit make me so happy.

I do not always give you a run down of my day, but let's have at it. 

At school, my juniors left me in awe because of the hard work and brilliance they put into their Huck Finn trial. (Seriously, moments like this remind me of why I do what I do.) My sophomores, on the other hand, left me feeling homicidal because half of them did not turn in the assignment that they had TWO full class periods and a weekend to complete. Oh, teenagers.

After school, I went to the ear, nose, and throat specialist who told me that I need sinus surgery. Quite honestly, I'm cool with having my sinuses roto rootered if it means leaving these headaches far, far behind. Sure, I am going to go through two more weeks of antibiotics (on top of the five that DIDN'T work) and steroids (also did not work), but headaches have plagued me for four months. I am ready to say buh bye to them. If that means surgery, I'm cool with it. 

After the sinus dude told me my face hates me, I went to yoga again. GASP. This yoga does not involve a lot of breathy, creepy talking and downward dogging for ten minutes, so I like it. The focus is to realign the effed up parts of the body, and I've got a lot of parts that could use un-effing. Plus, the instructor has a sense of humor. At this point, I'm sure you know how much I appreciate a good sense of humor. 

Currently, I am watching Bates Motel. This show is very Oedipus Rex-esque, which I just finished teaching, but I love it. All of those psychologically twisted shows appeal to me. 

What's wrong with me?

Nothing this outfit can't fix.

 

The Look:

Cardigan: Express...so old (similar at LOFT)

Tee: Target (here it is in colors)

Belt: Came with a dress (I like this braided on at Asos for less than $15)

Skirt: Amazon (exact for less than $20--I'm considering another color.)

Flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW (on eBay)

Scarf: Francesca's (I seriously love that store. Pastel stripes at Amazon)

 

Goin' Fishin'

When I teach my students how to write essays, I always tell them they want a "hook" at the beginning of their introductions. They have to grab their readers and pull 'em right into that essay, no matter how poorly written, littered with "theres" instead of "theirs," it happens to be.

Today, I am taking my own advice. I lured you in with the promise of pretty pictures (the first outfit) in order to show you what I'm really wearing today. Haha! Look at me! I'm so tricky! What a good fisherwoman I make. The cherry on top? The vest I'm wearing in the "real" pictures is something much like what a fisherman would wear. Don't you just love happy coincidences? Me too.

Oh, and random thought (because I never have those...ahem): as I walked out of the x-ray place today, I walked past a man who had clearly just finished smoking thirteen packs of cigarettes, and he stunk to high heaven. Do you know I actually waited until I passed him before I coughed? When I realized what I had done, I mentally rebuked myself. Why on earth was I at all concerned about HIS feelings? Seriously, that turd bucket was polluting my airways (and his) with junk I am highly allergic to, and I was the one being cordial about not coughing so as not to offend him? Well, never again, my friends. Never again. Cherry on top? I was just exiting the building from a SINUS x-ray, which clearly shows how royally screwed up my face is. And here I am all worried about this joker's feelings. Stroke my narcissism and make me feel a little better here. Does anyone else do this? Avoid offending someone else who's actually in the wrong?

 

The Look:

Sweater: Gap Outlet (old)

Necklace: NO idea

Jeans: The Limited

Flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW 

Now, here is today's outfit wrapped up in terrible selfies. 

Forgive me.

 

The Look:

Jeans: Simply Vera via Kohl's

Shirt: Old Navy

Belt: New York & Co.

Vest: American Eagle

Boots: Steve Madden 

Necklaces: Target 

 

In all honesty, I really wanted you to see my elephant necklace.

I got it at Target just before Christmas.

The tree necklace came with it :)

Also, please admire my new shoes from Sole Society. 

I decided to head the UPS guy off at the pass,

and then we had a nice little chat about all of this stupid snow.

Linking up with

Favorite Fashion Fridays

and

Fab Friday

If you need a laugh, please meet my face.

On more than one occasion, my students have told me that I should be a stand-up comedian. While I appreciate their kindness, I do not know how fruitful that would be seeing as how only teenagers, an understandably not-so-wealthy lot of humans, would fill the gymnasium. (I say gymnasium because, if I'm being honest with myself, I know that's the best venue I could score.) Of course, I might make just as much.

Other times, while the class quietly works and I charge forth in my daily battle with technology that hates me or begin reading a shamefully, crappily written essay, at least one student's gaze lands on my countenance. I hear muffled giggles, look up, and find one student nudging another and pointing to me. I know something is not on my face because I've checked it in Photo Booth before--what!? Don't you judge me. I say, "what? Can I help you?" And they usually admit that my facial expression elicited their laughter. I can't help having an expressive face. When a student says something outlandishly INSANE, my face tells the story that my words cannot...since I like my job and prefer to keep it. All I've got left is my face. I now know not to ask "what?" I just say, "is my face showing my thoughts again?"

I tell you this story because today's set of pictures features a series of absolute ridiculousness. Fret not. Some of the images are pinnable.

I'll start with the normal ones.

The Look:

Cardigan: Target (a comfy and similar looking one at Asos)

White shirt: Target

Scarf: Gift from husband :) (it's from Asos--similar)

Pants: Exact Stretch Skinny from The Limited (same)

Shoes: TWENTY dollars at DSW (down from $100+) Boom. (similar)

You absolutely needed a close up of this gorgeous scarf.

Here's where shit gets weird. Forgive my language.

Just be glad I usually censor my mouth (er, fingers?) on the blog.

A ballet move?

I was trying to break that stupid thread in my butt pockets.

Mom documented it. Thanks, Mom.

Aaaaaaaaand my personal favorite:

Seriously, I shouldn't be laughing so hard at myself because it's just pathetic, but how can I not?

I look like I'm pooping, but the thread-fighting battle continues. 

-----------------------------------------

I'm sorry for the people who wind up here from a link up, 

but here I am. I hope I amused you during your stay.

What I Wore to Work

All Things Thursday

Look What I Got

and

Tres-Chic Fashion

Blushing Gold

Okay, this pink isn't really blush, but I liked the title too much to pass it up. I have my moments of intelligence. 

You know what? I've never tried this particular color combination before. Typically, I pair pink with gray/silver, but I'm a recent fan of this pink and gold loveliness. 

When I wore this yesterday, the assistant principal who shares the Dapper Dan/Danielle award with me said, "I really like the gold, especially the shoes. It's like Dorothy, just gold instead of red." I can appreciate a dude with fashion sense. If only I could click my heels and be home. Instead, I am sitting in the school parking lot writing a blog post on my Blogger app. before I embark on my hour long commute (which I must endure for only two more weeks!) I have reached a new level of wonderment. 

The Outfit:

Gold Cardigan: Old Navy

Pink blouse that I slopped breakfast on: NY&Co. 

Pants: Celebrity Pink via Boscov's 

Gold flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW

Necklace: my girl LC via Kohl's, of course (Momma bought it for me. I'm so the favorite.) 

The Details:

Occasion: Teaching (namely proctoring the PSAT)

Comments: Does anyone else own pants that suffer from crotch clicking syndrome? Are we speaking the same language? Do your pants, especially when it's so quiet you could hear a brain fart, sometimes make a clicking sound that comes from the ever convenient crotch? Tell me I'm not the only one with this problem. And it IS a problem, first world or not, especially during PSAT proctoring. Regardless, this outfit is comfortable despite its being loud sometimes. 

I'll understand if you stop reading this blog. It's not easy visiting Crazy Town. 

I couldn't help myself.

Today was the only day during spirit week that you could find me looking presentable for anyone outside of my high school. Of course, on Monday (pajama day), my sweet mother dearest asked me to visit her at the eye doctor to pick out glasses. I agreed only when she told me she'd bring me a snack and water. (At least I didn't ask for a juice box, but don't think that's below me. It's not. I love a good apple juice juice box as much as the next five-year-old.)

Okay, I usually buy nothing full price, but I could not help myself with this shirt. I just couldn't. Squeezing out $38 for it seemed preposterous, but my friend Megan was not at all helpful in preventing me from putting it on the counter. Plus, it called to me. I neeeded it. Just as much as I neeeded to buy a pair of turtle earrings for my turtle-loving sister-in-law. For-no-reason-at-all gifts are the best gifts, right?

I hope Fran hasn't given up on me and reads this post because I do believe she'll appreciate the artsy fartsy lighting in these photos.

This shirt will match so many things, but I went all minimalist because it speaks for itself. No?

The Outfit:

Shirt: Francesca's

Cardigan: Merona via Target

Pants: Celebrity Pink via Boscov's

Gold Flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW (for $19!!)

Please tell me the shirt was worth it. I need you to pet my ego for a moment.

The Details:

Occasion: Teaching (I needed to dress normally since I had a meeting at another school after the school day ended. Pajamas at the eye doctor was bad enough.)

Comfort Rating: 10 

Comments: I finally broke in these flats, so they don't dig into my heels when I wear them. These pants fit much better when accompanied by a belt, which you cannot see in these photos. This shirt is fifty shades of lovely.

Fun Fact: One of my students was late to class because s/he got his/her (anonymity is important here) knee stuck in the railings. Hysterical. Because everything worked out. And because why isn't it funny? 

Back-Up Plan

I previously styled this dress these six ways. 

I decided to wear an orange cardigan instead of a brown one. Orange and turquoise make a nice pairing, no? Originally, I wanted to wear this dress with the same sweater and belt (leopard flats instead of gold ones), but it seemed too short when I put it on. Now that I'm looking at the pictures of it in that post, I am thinking it would've been fine. Dangit. 

I wish I had something more for you today, but I'm completely distracted by Sheldon Cooper. Forgive me. 

The Look:

Dress: Banana Republic Outlet

Cardigan: NY & Co.

Belt: Came with another dress

Flats: Audrey Brooke via DSW

Necklace: Gift

Earrings: Boutique

The Details: 

Occasion: work (91 degrees again today, so pants just weren't happening)

Comfort Rating: 9 (I ate a little too much, and the belt felt constricting.)

Comments: I'm glad I branched out a bit and went with a colored cardigan versus a neutral one. I can't wait to wear this dress with booties and a button up once it's not a sauna outside. 

Super Sale

What is UP, third-day hair and super sale shoes? 

I did not want to sludge my way through the entire hair doing process, so I just recurled some pieces. 

After the first week of my eighth year teaching, I decided to celebrate by taking a gander at what DSW had to offer. I happened upon these beauties in the clearance section. I always pick the 30% off pair, never the 70% off pair. UNTIL TODAY. The shoes were originally $100, marked down to $59.95, 70% off of that, and came to a total of $19.04. 

Boom. 

I came home, and we buried Saint Joseph in the garden because my Catholic co-teacher says he'll help us sell our home quickly. I'm not Catholic, but I'll take all the good juju I can get even if my Baptist grandfather is turning in his grave right now. It's okay, Pop Pop. A little love for and from everyone never hurt, right? Plus, he was in my purse when I found these shoes, so I'm feeling a little love for Saint Joseph, helper of house sellers and shoe buyers. 

 Anyway, I got dressed today. Today was Friday. I wore jeans to work. 

The Look:

Shirt: Marshall's

Jeans: Simply Vera via Kohl's

Shoes: Audrey Brooke via DSW

Necklace & Earrings: Boutique 

:)

The Details:

Occasion: Casual Friday at work

Where: Teaching and shoe shopping

When: allllll the live long day

Comfort Rating: 10

Comments: I considered half tucking the shirt (the pants are belted), but I wanted a looser look. It's been a long week, and I didn't want to fuss with a continually untucking shirt. I wore teal sandals all day, but I switched to these gold flats when I bought them after school. I obviously decided the flats were more worthy of pictures. 

Mrs. Green Jeans (with a little navy and gold)

Today, a student told me that the story I told to explain the importance of research was really good. Then, in all seriousness, he started to clap for me. That was the highlight of my day. Later, a student asked me why I'm not as cool as my brother. That was not the highlight of my day.

I understand that I will never be as cool as my brother is, but I will always be more stylish. I love him, but his style consists of the same Nike hat in at least three different colors. 

At least I have one thing going for me. (Though I am guilty of buying the same article of clothing in more than one color. However, I have gotten much better with that problem.)

One teacher told me that her students referred to me as the pretty, stylish, young teacher. Even if I suck at my job, at least I look good sucking at it. Another teacher told me his junior girls were all a twitter about my dark hair. Supposedly, they like the new 'do. Another student asked me if I could be her personal stylist. Needless to say, I was feeling it today. I kicked today's ass despite my not being as cool as my older brother. 

How did you own today?

 Had today not been a bloated day, I might have tucked in my shirt and sported a belt. However, today was bloat city. No tucking or belting for me. Oh, and no pants without spandex either.

 I should probably buy an undershirt shirt that more closely matches the off-white color of this top.

 Shirt: Marshalls (recent--$15)

Navy blazer: Marshalls (recent--$25)

Pants: Gap ($30? I can't remember, but well worth the price!)

Shoes: Target ($15, on sale)

Restyling Idea (for shirt) #1: 

Tuck in shirt (if I'm not bloated next time)

Wear with khaki circle skirt

Wear with nude heels

Wear with same navy blazer or a red blazer

Restyling Idea (for blazer) #2:

Wear with gray or khaki pants

Tuck in white shirt

Sport a brown, braided belt or a gold one

Put on some brown, suede wedges or plaid flats

How would you have restyled this outfit? I'm curious