Thursday, November 3, 2011

If you read this post, thEn you might not look dumber thAn a 5th grader.

Sit down for a moment. We need to have a talk. I've been reading what you write, and I have some bad news for you: you look like a wooly mammoth beating his head with a sock full of rocks because you are confusing the homophones then and than. Rookie mistake.

Then, with an E, indicates time. 

Since all good monkeys need to see before they do, let us look at a few examples.
  • The if-then statement: "They" say that if you pick your nose, THEN you will build up immunities. If you eat the booger, THEN you might become superhuman. (Really, I don't recommend this practice. Even if you pick a winner, you're sure to look like a loser.) 
Nom nom nom. (Sorry, no political malice here. He left himself wide open for this one.)
  • First, he farted in my general direction, THEN he tossed an air biscuit at me. How rude!
Than, with an a, helps you to provide a comparison. 
  • She was wrinklier, but not cuter, THAN a Shar pei.
Dis mah sad face. You dumb. Know than.
  • Our new rug was thicker THAN an Armenian's chest hair.

Which one is it? 
  1. She tidied up the house, then/than she hid bodies in the basement. 
  2. If she could have afforded braces, then/than I wouldn't have called her snaggle tooth. 
  3. He was angrier then/than a 10-foot troll trying to scratch its back with a baby fork. 
  4. No one bakes apple pies better then/than my mom does.

 And the survey says?
  1. Then
  2. Then
  3. Than
  4. Than 
Are YOU smarter than a monkey clanging its cymbals for pennies on the street corner?  

I sure hope so.


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