Pickles Solve Everything.

When Mom "babysat" me for a few hours the day after my surgery last week, I popped up from the couch (okay, at that point, there was no "popping up" of any sort, but I digress) and declared, "I want a pickle. I don't know why, but every time I feel like poo, I want a pickle. I talked to Jeremy [that's my brother] and he said he wants to eat only pickles when he's sick. They're like a magic elixir." What did Mom say in return? She feels the same way about pickles. And the pickles can be only dill pickles; no other will suffice. We share pickle sick cravings it appears. Of course, one must be careful not to consume too many pickles because that can induce another type of "sickness." And that kind of "sickness" makes me want to unfriend myself and run as far away from me as possible.

Another weird observation for you: sinus surgery might have helped with my complexion. I know this is so odd, which is no surprise coming from me, but, as Mom said, my face doesn't look so "angry." I had a lot of inflammation/redness on my cheeks, which we're thinking might have been because I had snot stuck in my face. My septum was so deviated that the snot couldn't run away inside my face, so maybe it was trying to run away outside of my face? I don't know. Either way, my face is looking and feeling so much better already. No, I am not looking forward to the follow-up appointment when the doctor will suck more things out of my face on Friday, but nothing can be as bad as the unpacking process. If women were ordered to give birth through their noses, I would venture to say that's exactly what the unpacking process is: things far too enormous are exiting holes far too small. You're welcome for the imagery.

Sorry for going on and on and on and on the past few days about my sinuses, but I think this post brought back the funny. Aren't you happy to read me in my true form? No? Well then, let me distract you with a pretty outfit.

Also, would you mind telling me how you feel about this skirt on me? It has pockets (HELLO!?), and I love its length/color, but I am wondering if it looks too voluminous on me? It's definitely my size, but I'd love to know if it works for my bottom half.

(At least my stalker is cute?)

The Look:

Cardigan: New York & Co. (gift from my sister in law--I love this cardigan! I wish I didn't search for a similar one online because now I want ALL of these.)

Top: Old Navy (navy & white from Target)

Skirt: Poshmark (lions79 has a cuuuute closet) but it's J.Crew (similar)

Heels: J.Crew Factory (exact)

 Look at me bringing sexy back.

I'm linking up with these cool cats today:

* What I Wore to Work: http://www.mixmatchfashion.com/

* Look What I Got (for cheap): http://pennilesssocialite.blogspot.com/

* Three-fer Thursdays: http://www.everydayfashionandfinance.com

* Tres-Chic Fashion Thursday: http://vodkainfusedlemonade.com/

Favorite Outfit Recreated & Thoughts on Yoga

So, I tried yoga...again. You see, I've always been a lover of pilates and a believer of "yoga? oh, yes, that's an hour of trying to avoid one of two things: farting or laughing at someone who has farted."However, I have not visited the gym for a long time, and I needed something easy on my geriatric body, so I took a gander at the class offerings. Spinning? No, I don't need to set my ass on fire today. Body pump? Ohh no no no, my biceps and I are far from prepared at this juncture. Lil' Dragons? Welp, I am not in the 4-6 age bracket, so no. And then I saw an "Alignment Yoga" class, and it sounded (the most) appealing. 

You see, aside from the flatulence (and snoring at the end) that accompanied the three other yoga classes I attended, I am about as flexible as a titanium rod. The fact of the matter is that I cannot touch my toes unless I bend my knees. You see why yoga intimidates me?

Anyway, I arrived early because I was not going to be that girl in the front of the class to show everyone what not to do. I forgot a mat. Doh. Some kind lady told me we had to wait until the instructor arrived and opened up the Narnia cabinet, so I waited and I observed. I had to size up my competition. (Really, I needed to see if a room full of Lulu Lemon girls strutted in and proved to me that I was absolutely in the wrong place with my leggings I wear as pajamas, all covered in Roxy and Squirt fur.) The lady in front of me was stretching before yoga, which both confused and worried me. Then, a man in his, I'm guessing here, 70s sort of hobbled into the room. I was starting to feel better. Also, that man's "buddy," a younger man in his 60s, asked me what color my shirt was. I liked the class already.

Guys, I finally like yoga. Apparently, the class is filled with noobs. One lady didn't know she had to take off her shoes (despite the sign outside the door). Another lady also forgot a mat. The instructor never had to correct my posture. And I felt much taller and relaxed after class.

However, no one farted, and I can't help but feel a little disappointed.

In case you want to know--you might not, but I like to spew word vomit around these parts, which means I plan to tell you anyway--I plan to do yoga with that same instructor four times a week (along with some Zumba, of course!) for the next two-three weeks so that I can move on up to strength conditioning and, who knows, maybe even Body Pump. Whoa whoa whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. 

Anyway, let's carry on. Shall we?

Now that Mom takes my pictures and does a darn fine job at it, I wanted to recreate one of my favorite outfits previously taken in terrible lighting. 

 The Look:

Sweater: Elle via Kohl's

Skirt: Francesca's (got this bad boy for $15!)

Booties: Old Navy

Scarf: Made by Momma

Blazer: Express 

 Belt: Came with a dress

 

What would a post be without some outtakes for your viewing pleasure?

I call this first one, "Mom, I got this."

 I call this second one, "No one in yoga farted, but it looks like I did."

 

Before I leave you, I have three more things:

1. Next Trendy Tuesday is Pretty in Pastels.

(My colleagues and I are trying to usher in warmer weather.)

2. If you want to laugh so hard that funny tears obstruct your vision, read this Haribo review. (If you do NOT appreciate potty humor, then I suggest you scroll on.)

3. I think we should start a book club based on this list.

Carry on, folks.

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Linking up with 

Shanna

and

What I Wore Wednesday

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Google+, you make me vertiginous. (And I rhymed.)

I hunted for a long time to find the "perfect" floral skirt, which is why I paid full price ($36) when I found this one at Francesca's. I am in love with the colors, the length does not make me feel like a hoochie at work, and I think it works perfectly for colder months (thank you, navy background) and warmer months (hello, brightly colored flowers). Of course, this skirt screams "WEAR ME!" so loudly and proudly that I would pay no mind to the season. Just give me my tights. 

Yes, I wore these booties again. Can you blame a girl? Well, you could, but I would ignore you.

Is anyone else beginning to resent her boots? I look at those little buttholes (WHY does autocorrect keep trying to turn that word into "buttonholes?!") and think, "Sure, you're pretty, but I'm getting sick of your faces. I miss my flats. I miss my feet. I haven't painted my toes in months because if I am going to waste my time, it will be spent filling three online shopping carts at once without buying anything. It will not be spent painting my toes that never see the light of day. 

As I look at these pictures, I realize I should have worn a scarf or a necklace. Meh, whatever. Let's allow the skirt to do the talking. Shall we?

The Look:

Sweater: J.Crew Factory (I can't believe I typed that. Here is the exact one.)

Skirt: Francesca's (how pretty is this one?)

Tights: Simply Vera via Kohl's (mom bought 'em!)

Booties: Ninewest via Piperlime (size 6.5 left)

Jacket: Wilson's Leather outlet

I am beginning to feel like my posts are just not the same without at least one ridiculous candid shot. Could I compile them all into an "outtakes" post. Sure. However, I need to pour a little sunshine into your life in every single post. 

Mom asked me to take off my coat to showcase my pretty sweater, and I was none too pleased. Aren't moms supposed to tell you to put your damn jacket back on, not take it off? THANKS, MOM.

Also, can we talk about the creepiness that is Google+ for a moment? 

I want to know why Google+ thinks I wish for a flip-book-style picture of myself.

And why did it choose only two pictures? 

I do not understand how this picture selection process works.

It's making me vertiginous. 

(It means dizzy.)

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Linking up with

What I Wore to Work

All Things Thursday

Look What I Got

and 

Three-fer Thursdays

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P.S. I am completely confused by this. Seriously, I want to know who comes up with this crazy shit? (Forgive the language, but I felt it necessary.)

At least puppies are cute when they whine...

Teenagers, on the other hand, are most definitely not cute when they whine. I don't know about you other teachers, but all of these snow days and late starts are making my students whiny and lazy, a combination that makes me want to smack my face against the chalkboard.

Let's run down the typical cause and effect scenarios that occur on a much-too-regular basis in my classroom.

Cause: I rearrange the desks so that they're in rows.
Effect: "WHAT!? Are we taking a test!?"


Cause: I tell students to get out a sheet of notebook paper.
Effect: "WHAT!? Are we taking a test?!"


Cause: I schedule a test one week in advance. On the day of the test, I ask students to get out a #2 pencil.
Effect: "WHAT!? Are we taking a test!?"


Cause: I tell students we're taking a test.
Effect: "WHAT!? Are we taking a test?!"


Cause: "WHAT!? Are we taking a test!?"
Effect: I smack my face against the chalkboard.


With that, I bring you to the cute portion of our show today: my parents' new puppies. Well, you get to see one of them, but they look *pretty much* the same. Meet Sammy.

The Look:

Jeggings: American Eagle high-rise 

Boots: Etienne Aigner via Macy's (old)

Vest: Under Armour (last year?) and scored it for $30 down from $120!

Sweater: Holy crap, it's from J.Crew, but I actually bought it for $7 on thredUP, hee hee.

Scarf: gift from a student :) 

Later on, I realized I must have been subconsciously inspired by this pin. Is there such a thing as pinterest amnesia? If not, there should be. 

This picture is the only full-length shot you get. We were more concerned with pictures of his cute face next to mine. 

I want to go back and play with them again. Right this second.

 (I had to show you his cute Mickey sweater!)

LOOK AT THAT FACE. I WANT TO COVER IT IN KISSES. 

Yeah, he's standing on his gross, little pee pad, but he's so cute that I didn't think you would mind.

Some facts about the boys:

Names:

Sammy (featured here) and Rudy 

Weight:

Sammy is 2.5 pounds in these pictures, but he has since gained a very tiny bit of weight. 

Full grown, he and his brother are supposed to weigh no more than 7 pounds.

Breed:

Pure bred Yorkies (they're specifically called Parti Yorkies.)

Likes:

Rudy enjoys fighting with his brother and, more recently, pooping on top of his crate, a physical feat no one yet understands.

Sammy enjoys eating hair and curling up in the crook of Mom's neck.

They both love to snuggle and nap.

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Linking up with

Fab Friday

and

Favorite Fashion Friday

Reverse 30x30: Summertime Skirt in the Wintertime

MOM, why didn't you tell me that my scarf was cattywampus!? That little sliver of misplaced scarf is just taunting me now. 

One of my friends posted this link, and I cannot stop laughing. I would like to befriend every single person who came up with these new words. The premise is this: "The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition." I am SO doing this activity with my students. They will love it. I think "ignoranus," a person who's both stupid and an asshole, might rank as my favorite word on the list. Do I want to share that word with my juniors? Yes. Will I? Probably no. Probably.

My brain so desperately wants to create some words of my own, but all I have for you is this one:

insteaducation

1. what an individual (specifically of the teenage population) does in order to avoid learning

2. the state in which teachers find themselves required to do more paperwork than teaching

and this one:

pineptitude (n)

the inability to accomplish anything competently because of Pinterest

and this one:

twitticism (n)

 a statement of particular insight that exits a mouth that typically spews stupidity

I wish these were better. Throw some of your words my way. Inspire me.

I'll be honest. I don't know if I love this look. I think a white shirt with a brown scarf might be better? 

However, I do like the idea of brown tights in order to winterize this skirt. 

I tried.

The Look:

Skirt: Lauren Conrad via Kohl's (it was a gift from Momma.)

Boots: diba via DSW

Shirt: The Limited

Belt: New York & Co.

Jean Jacket: Old Navy

Scarf: Handmade by Momma

(Note: I changed to darker brown tights for more warmth.)

I realize the scarf doesn't perfectly match the skirt in pictures, and I'm okay with that. 

Close enough, right?

Linking up with

What I Wore to Work

All Things Thursday

and

Look What I Got

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What's left of my 30x30?

(Original Post in case you want pictures and a run down of this challenge)
Click on the link after each item to view the post that features it. 

1. coral and khaki skirt 

2. gray and yellow skirt 

3. white pencil skirt (officially waiting for spring--too cold for the outfits I have planned for it)

4. teal velvet pants (officially reversed)

5. polka dot tights (I planned to reverse them, but I found an enormous run in them at the end of the day. It was a good run, tights. Pun intended.) 

6. khaki pants (officially returned)

7. brown boots (officially reversed)

8. black wedge booties (officially reversed)

9. red heels

10. tri-color wedges (officially reversed)

11. aztec scarf 

12. teal necklace

13. striped dress (officially reversed)

14. tan dress (officially rejected)

15. navy dress (probationally reversed)

16. polka dot shirt (officially reversed)

17. polka dot cardi 

18. polka dot blouse (officially reversed) 

19. printed blazer (on probation, might be leaving the closet, LEAVING the closet)

20. chambray (officially reversed)

21. paisley blouse (officially rejected)

22. gray shirt (officially rejected)  

23. paisley blouse 2 (officially reversed)

24. emerald sleeveless sweater (too cold for it just yet)

25. navy sweater (officially reversed)

26. blush sweater with silver polka dots 

27. silver sweater (officially rejected)

28. black sweater 

29. white lace sweater (officially reversed)

30. orange sweater (officially reversed)

31. long-sleeve purple shirt (next week)

32. gray skinnies (these have REALLY been reversed)

33. light khakis 

34. gold blazer (officially reversed)